This morning, my husband Clive and I took our two boys paddling at Danson Lake in Bexleyheath. Tristan (who will turn four in September) sat in the front of a Rocket Junior K2 to try out his new paddles from his Nanny and Gubby, and I sat behind him, watching Rhys on Clive’s lap and pondering … More Sporting Adventures
Someone far from me by circumstance, but close always to both my heart and my mother’s, sent me this extract from “Adonais” by Percy Bysshe Shelley upon hearing of my mother’s death. It is beautiful and moving, so I thought I would share it.
My best friend, Cate, turned 30 today, and suddenly my thirties seem less intimidating. It has reminded me that we don’t change on our birthdays, no matter how much we use them as milestones. On each birthday, the only thing that feels different from the day before or after is my excitement about cake and … More Birthdays
Tonight, I had barely begun to cycle up the hill in Greenwich Park when I felt my quads begin to burn. I became increasingly aware of how many parts of my body were aching from the last 48 hours of running, cycling, push-ups and crunches – my calves, quads, glutes, abs, and back. I love … More Pain
There is a song called ‘Today Has Been Okay‘ by Emiliana Torrini, which on the one hand makes me think of Dirk and his loss as it speaks of the death of a lover: “Friends tell me its spring My window show the same Without you here the seasons pass me by I know you … More Doing Okay
The account that follows was written by Dirk, my mother’s beloved partner of many years, and was one of the pieces he read out at her memorial. It is a shortened version of the full story he wrote of the days leading up to the accident, and the accident itself.
Mother dear: You grew me, Birthed me, Shaped me, Loved me. Power-woman, Gentle guide; How can you be gone? I’m trying to learn How to say goodbye. You were the one Who guided me through things like this; Now all I have to steer me Is your voice within me. The voice that Sang me … More My words in the Crematorium (09/06/2011)
I picked up a newspaper on my way into the tube station this evening. It is the first time I have looked at one since my mom died, and I discarded it again within minutes. Greek financial crisis threatening the Euro? 2000 police posts in London cut and burglaries on the rise when I have … More Swing low…
I have been feeling very low on internal resources these past few days. Last night I wrote about aging, rather than how miserable I was feeling, and commented to my husband later that writing can be as much an escape from sorrow at times as it can be an acknowledgment and analysis of it at … More Feeling down on the bus to work
I have been thinking a fair amount recently about the process of aging. I try to remember that everything is relative in life, though perhaps death is an exception to that rule? It seems to me that there are no degrees of death, simply degrees of living. Dying may be full of degrees and comparisons, … More Growing older gracefully