Some brief lessons from my mother

I miss my mom; the weight of her loss is wrapped softly around my heart. I can still turn to her for guidance when I need it though, as all she has taught me remains within me. Here are some lessons I was reminded of today:

  1. Small gestures can make a big difference. She would sometimes drop me one-line emails, just to say that she was thinking of me – it didn’t always have to be an essay (though I got a fair few of those too), but reminded me of her warm presence, not so far away even across a continent or two. She bought me pretty tea towels for my kitchen, when mine were all looking a bit tatty and old, and they gave the room a nice ambiance.
  2. Aim for less and you will achieve more. She told me that she had learnt, with time, that if she tried to do 15 things in a day she would manage 8, and feel she had let herself down. If she aimed to do 5 she would often manage 10, and feel satisfied.
  3.  Realise that you have limited emotional energy. Spend it wisely, and while always being generous, keep some for your own wellbeing or you will gradually have less to give to others.
  4. Guilt is not a useful emotion. Don’t waste time on it. Learn what you can, and try not to repeat your mistakes, but you can’t change the past.
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6 thoughts on “Some brief lessons from my mother

  1. Dear Laurel
    These are lovely, simple and wise. Your Tessa and my Tessa were most definitely the same Tessa. Understanding that she could not but react to the cry of her children, even it it meant leaving me out of the spotlight sometimes, was most important for me. Once I understood her i only loved her even more, if that could be possible.
    Dirk

    1. Indeed. Sending you love, strength, and comfort every day. It’s wonderful knowing you are there, listening and sharing, as we grieve OUR (and everyone’s) wonderful Tessa, uniquely and separately, yet collectively too.

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