The London sunshine was magnificent this morning, particularly while I was running next to the Thames from London Bridge towards Tower Bridge, with the sun’s rays reflecting off the water and the glass of the buildings all around. There is no doubt that running, writing and painting are the most positive things I can be doing at the moment, so I am confident at least that I am on the right path to healing, and doing my very best to stay there.
I had my Blackberry stolen yesterday afternoon, while at the park with my sons, and it was one more thing in a very, very long list of unpleasant events this year. It felt a little bit like the small, insignificant straw that got to that poor old camel. After a lovely, relaxed morning with a fairly new but instantly connected friend I suddenly seemed to be staring over the edge of the overwhelming drop down into depression, which has been mercifully absent during the last two years.
I shook it off last night to write and paint, before the depression it got its nasty teeth into me, and was fully involved and happy while I was doing that (I like the painting itself much better than the photograph, which I couldn’t get to do it justice). I then had paranoid and upsetting dreams, one after another, and thus not much sleep – but shook those off too to run to work this morning, and pictured each step of the way that I was pushing tiny little molecules of depression, as well as unsettling and now unneeded pregnancy hormones, through my system and out out out of me with each deep breath.
I then met my father’s wife Bettina (Tini) for lunch, as she was in London for one day on her way back to South Africa, and delicious food mixed with healing conversation were a soothing balm. Tini came with me to sort out a replacement SIM card and handset, only for me to discover that I have 15 months left on my contract before I am due for an upgrade, and thus need to buy a new handset, which I cannot afford. After much back and forth, talking to various salesmen and discussing a number of options, we settled on a new contract – for which Tini and my dad, knowing that what I mostly use my Blackberry for is writing, bought me an iPad. Thus do miracles come out of disasters. Tonight I shall crawl into my comfortable bed with a glow of happiness surrounding me, which is a most unexpected and delightful change. In the midst of sorrow and sadness, there is still much to be grateful for.