Insomniac Ramblings

The past twelve days are like a mist to me. I am emerging, but swirls clutch my ankle still, and I can neither penetrate the fog behind nor the darkness ahead. Five days and four nights in a sterile, cold hospital surrounded by very old women, rushing doctors and bullying nurses. In between a CT … More Insomniac Ramblings

A Letter

Hi mom, I haven’t written to you since you died, and it suddenly seemed like an important thing to do. I spend time with you in dreams, I think and talk about you all the time, but I don’t talk to you anymore. I don’t have any idea what I want to say, I just … More A Letter

Movement, and Memory

Apart from my train home, which was running late 20 minutes late and was short of a few coaches, and hence even more overcrowded that usual, today it began to feel as though things are starting to flow a little better. My Art Therapy book, ordered in early September and misplaced by Royal Mail for … More Movement, and Memory

Today, a Smile

As I left the cosy warmth of home to begin my journey to work this morning my husband, Clive, was getting breakfast ready for our two bright-eyed sons. I sent hurried kisses around the kitchen, longing to stay and be part of the morning chatter but determined not to miss the next train, then rushed … More Today, a Smile

Thankfulness

Better days follow seemingly impossible ones, and with the perspective of the passing of a little time I can identify two main benefits arising from writing and sharing my last post. Firstly, there is simply the fact that I wrote it at all. The act of writing that night was one of pushing past my … More Thankfulness

Hopelessness

There are more reasons that I don’t write on the worst days than I realised. There is the fact that my head feels like a fuzzy, formless mess. Words elude me. Hopelessness surrounds me, and I have no means by which to express it. I feel close to collapse, on a knife’s edge, wanting to … More Hopelessness