Waiting to shatter

I feel like I might just disintegrate into shards on the next knock.

Sometimes I stare into an abyss of hopelessness I know I can’t explain to anyone who hasn’t seen it for themselves. It can’t be rationalised or reasoned with. It is not measured or calm.

People carry on, walk away, wait for me to be cheerful and happy again, and my anger and resentment simmer. I am too harsh, becoming ever-more unforgiving, and retreating increasingly into myself.

Today, I am too brittle.


12 thoughts on “Waiting to shatter

  1. My darling, it’s so hard to know where you’re up to from afar, and if you need it, how to help. So longing for you to be closer so that I can do something, even if it’s only to call and chat.
    Love you.

  2. I understand how you feel. I’ve been there and retreated more and more into myself because I felt like no one understood. I would get angry at many things. Feel resentment toward those who still had a mother but didn’t appreciate her when I would give anything to be with my mom again. I still have days like this. Know that you’re not alone – I understand. HUGS

  3. I am late in coming to this, Laurel, and feel so bad that I wasn’t there to send you love and give you a hug in the immediacy of the feelings you expressed here. I hope your spirits have lifted since you wrote this, but I also understand that emotions especially when weighted by grief do not disappear because it seems time for them to. Please don’t be hard on yourself. And even if you need to retreat remember that you are not alone. Love, Diane

    1. Thank you Diane. My spirits had certainly lifted by the time I read your comment, and even more so now that I am finally replying – but they remain up and down. It is a great comfort to know your words are not far away.

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