Self-understanding, acceptance and love

It’s a little unsettling when a complete stranger can tell you more about YOU than most people that know and love you. Here’s what a remarkable stranger had to tell me. Can you guess how she knew all this, without ever having spoken to me before?

“You are mutable: changeable, adaptable, moving with the times. This means there are often two sides of you, but that doesn’t mean that you’re two-faced. There will usually be two main passions or two main things in your life – sometimes more because you’re busy-busy all the time, but at least two things that pull you, never just one. You are very interested, very curious, very young: you will stay young longer than most people. You have a curiosity about life, a sparkle in your eyes. You like to learn, to communicate, and to be out there having fun.

You have a lot of air in you – air is the communicative element; it needs space, it doesn’t like to be contained. When you put it in a container it forms a bomb; if you put it under a lot of pressure it can explode. There is a dislike for too many boundaries and rules; the need for freedom, and to be a free spirit. The focus of your life is learning about you, and a sense of personal freedom is very, very important to you. You are learning about your independence of thought, independence of speech, and finding your identity. You are curious, clever, and communicative; you want to be occupied all the time – busy busy busy busy. You can get easily distracted, and be a little scattered – too many irons in too many fires. You need to exercise and get rid of some of your scattered energy.

Mutual means changeable, adaptable, versatile. You can sometimes be too changeable; in relationship you can lose yourself a bit. You sometimes feel that you’re saving or combining with someone – a tendency to merge with someone else in relationship. But it’s important for you to be an individual and not lose your sense of identity. The other side of you is deep and intense and passionate and obsessive and wants to get to the bottom of every single thing; you want to go to the depth of things that nobody else wants to go to the depths of. Can you see how those two very different sides don’t really get along too well? One part of you wants to stay in the fluff and fun and busyness, but on the other hand emotionally you can get quite intense, and can get surrounded by other people’s dramas. There is an overwhelm of emotion sometimes.

Your biggest challenge has got to do you with your self worth – not feeling good enough – and not feeling safe. You don’t always know where this comes from, and it’s a deep one – it’s under the surface. It doesn’t matter how much we know that it’s not true, that core belief is running the show underneath. Some of it is so deep that you may not be able to rationally access it. That’s your fear; you don’t know how to put down roots and not worry they’re going to get ripped up again, or feel safe without fearing losing that safety again. Through understanding what it is, at an even deeper level, that is where your healing is going to come – from the very place of discomfort.

As a child, you needed security and you didn’t get it. There was an early striving for safety but you became very independent at a very young age – probably too young. That can lead to pent-up aggression – abandonment, and a sense of not being safe is what gets triggered. You have a strong need for harmony and peace, and when that’s not there, you feel unsafe. You had a longing for a firm footing in your life, and you were not getting it – so then when you do get it you don’t know it. There is a yearning for stability but when you get it you feel suffocated as you also want to feel free – two sides of yourself. You want depth and and to be felt, seen and understood – but you also need space.

Your insecurity stems more from your mom than your dad, even though he was the one that left. It comes from a lack of feeling safe with your mother as a child – she was volatile, passionate, intense, controlling, and these are also things you can play out. Then the thing you rely on – your safety, your father – left. When a father leaves, no matter how old you are, there is always a part of you that feels, “If I was good enough, he wouldn’t leave.” That sets up an new insecurity, and that starts to bring more of the same in, and reinforces that, and that becomes a neural pathway. We have to make a new one, because to get rid of the existing one is very difficult.

If there is this deep insecurity, a core fear of losing safety, security, abundance or love. The underlying conviction that these were taken away, lost, in deficit or missing; a loss of trust; a deficit of value in yourself. If you come in with that, you don’t trust. You are learning how to trust – that’s what you’re learning. A feeling of safety within yourself.

You want safety, security, love and trust. Usually, this is represented by a home, a family, a person, clothes, jobs, money, a life partner – but when you get it you realise that actually, it doesn’t make you feel secure at all. Whatever form, it’s a quest for love. Ultimately you will realise these are nowhere to be found but within you. That’s the only place that you’re ever going to find it. The gift is a return to the trust that love will always be here, always is here, and was never missing. Nothing that ever happens can ever destroy your self; you are indestructible.

You need to face that fear of being unsafe again, that’s what you have to walk right into, because that fear is what’s running the show. That is what you are doing: finding your path, your own individuality, your own expression. You’re here to walk into an environment and affect it. You’re here to take the credit. You want to be recognized, seen, heard; to make a difference. You want to have a feeling that you’re serving in some way, but you also want to be noticed. It’s got to do with standing in your own power and cutting your own path in the world.

Follow your curiosity. Take the pressure off yourself about finding your purpose and finding your path. You’re on the path my darling – you are walking it; you can’t go off it. We spend so much time worrying that we aren’t fulfilling our purpose – you ARE. You are looking at your stuff, and your self-worth issues, the different parts of yourself, watching yourself and noticing yourself and aware of yourself. You’re on your path. Be mutable enough to let it take its course. Your journey is unfolding. You will realise, “Actually I’m this adventurer; independent voice; I need to be seen, heard and acknowledged; I don’t want to be too limited. I’ve got to be curious, communicative and learning all the time. On the other hand I need to be serving, I need to be useful and emotionally connected to my job. My job needs to have an element of surprise in it.” You have to be careful of stress with your health and your immune system.You need to have a sense of being the centre of attention – yours is not a life of standing on the sideline.

You have almost a compulsion to express yourself and create. Creativity is really big for you as well as healing through transformation. It would have to be something like TRE or More to Life for you; it would have to be something powerful; you wouldn’t do something soft and fluffy. It needs to go to the nitty-gritty. Your highest potential is a a healer, artist, photographer; writing, poetry, art. It doesn’t mean you have to make a career out of it; these can just remain passions. There is the service side of you, and then the healer within you. Follow the curiosity; follow the footsteps. Don’t worry how you’re going to do it. You’re a transformer; you can help people transform. Accept the different parts of you; you as you are, and loving you.

The biggest thing in your life is loving you, and your self worth. Giving yourself the worth that you look for elsewhere. You’re amazing! You’ve got so much talent and ability.”