The excitement and anticipation of climbing onto an aeroplane for a weekend of new experiences with an old friend has its own unique thrill. Here, in the space between leaving and arriving, I find a moment of calm in which to begin to piece together the past few weeks. The anniversary of my mother’s death … More A Year Has Passed…
My gift to my mother on her 50th birthday was a fountain pen, and shortly after her death her partner Dirk returned it to me, saying that it seemed appropriate for me to have it. I was deeply grateful for this thoughtful gesture, as I had not yet thought of the pen myself, and it … More The Dance of Life and Death
This evening, strolling around our local park as my boys rode their bikes, I impulsively started singing ‘My Favourite Things’ from The Sound of Music and promptly burst into tears as a crystal-clear image appeared in my head of my mother singing that song with my siblings and I when we were children. A few … More It gets harder…
Last night my dreams were full of my mother again, but they were a new sort of dream, and have thankfully returned to being gentle and comforting – perhaps my reward to returning to the blogosphere! They were too long and complicated to try and capture in full, but there were a few key scenes … More Ghosts and Dreams
I had what felt like an enormously important dream last night. I had been reading a book called ‘Motherless Daughters’ before going to sleep, and I was clearly trying to resolve some of the issues it raised for me, but I am grateful for the gentle way my mind went about this process.
I tried to be disciplined tonight, and study my PRINCE2 (PRojects IN Controlled Environments) foundation coursework, which I have put aside for months but am running out of time to get through before my exam. I tried to shut off distractions and find my old concentration, but while I got through two modules I haven’t retained a single … More It Goes Away
This morning, my husband Clive and I took our two boys paddling at Danson Lake in Bexleyheath. Tristan (who will turn four in September) sat in the front of a Rocket Junior K2 to try out his new paddles from his Nanny and Gubby, and I sat behind him, watching Rhys on Clive’s lap and pondering … More Sporting Adventures
Tonight, I had barely begun to cycle up the hill in Greenwich Park when I felt my quads begin to burn. I became increasingly aware of how many parts of my body were aching from the last 48 hours of running, cycling, push-ups and crunches – my calves, quads, glutes, abs, and back. I love … More Pain
There is a song called ‘Today Has Been Okay‘ by Emiliana Torrini, which on the one hand makes me think of Dirk and his loss as it speaks of the death of a lover: “Friends tell me its spring My window show the same Without you here the seasons pass me by I know you … More Doing Okay
The account that follows was written by Dirk, my mother’s beloved partner of many years, and was one of the pieces he read out at her memorial. It is a shortened version of the full story he wrote of the days leading up to the accident, and the accident itself.