5 Years Gone

How did I mark the 5th anniversary of my mother’s death? With tears, of course. And music, as I naturally do. With memories, and smiles, and more tears. With an amazingly productive day of Strategic Planning at the organisation where she once worked, and where she brought as much passion as I now bring, in her own … More 5 Years Gone

Articulating Grief

Brene Brown, in her brilliant book “Rising Strong”, writes about what she calls the process of “Rumbling with Grief.” What she describes is probably the closest description of some of the things I have most struggled with in grieving, but found very hard to grasp or articulate. I was moved to share some quotes from … More Articulating Grief

All I Ask Of You

One of my mother’s sisters gave me some unexpected gifts this evening: a beautiful jacket, and two songs, one of which touched deep layers of sorrow and gratitude that needed tears tonight. She also gifted me loving arms to hold me. Expressing the sense of relief these moments of falling softly, lightly, gently into the … More All I Ask Of You

Morning Tears

I pulled over into a driveway, the usual busy morning traffic continuing to flow steadily past me; tears streaming, body shaken with sobs. As I heard the opening lines of Judy Collin’s “Who Knows Where the Time Goes”, all my senses were flooded with vivid flashbacks to Scotland, 2011: the texture of the grey skies … More Morning Tears

Musical Memories

When I saw there was a Baroque 2000 ensemble performance at a local Monastery on the 31st May, I knew instantly that it would be a wonderful way to spend some time communing with memories of my mother on this fourth anniversary of her death. I have such a powerful recollections of sitting with her, … More Musical Memories

Missing

There are times I miss my mother so intensely I feel destabilised. I close my eyes just to see again her familiar gestures and expressions. I am amazed how simply the fact of her existence in the world used to be such a great comfort, even when we hadn’t spoken in weeks, living continents apart. Mostly, these … More Missing

Letting Go

His words have replayed in my mind many times since they were delivered, gently and following a warm hug, this morning: “You’re a powerful woman, Laurel, and you need to reflect carefully on where you choose to put your focus.” I find myself in tears again at the feeling of loss evoked each time I … More Letting Go