Daily Gratitude: facing demons and breathing in hope

Today I’m grateful for… The delicate, magical beauty of fairy lights. Family board games, and my youngest son’s absolute delight and pride at winning our first round of Cluedo. Finding an inspiring new guide to help move me forward by being willing to walk me through the darkness of my past, and realising yet again … More Daily Gratitude: facing demons and breathing in hope

Clearing the air

A stormy week it has been at work, with some deeply painful, challenging and difficult moments. It felt appropriate, therefore, to have the working week come to a close in the midst of a spectacular display of torrential rain and pinging hail – hailstones large enough to send me rushing bare-armed into the storm to … More Clearing the air

Tears for Paris

The killings in Paris last night have left my mind whirling and heart heavy this morning, along with many others around the world. I have found that many comments on social media this morning have felt contrary to my own feelings. I do not see this as “good vs. evil”; I don’t despair of humanity. This … More Tears for Paris

Love Generation

This song makes me want to get up and dance around my office, and my heart is feeling happy today! I have a lovely friend coming over for dinner, my pain levels are greatly reduced today, my energy levels are higher, and hope is returning. Maybe I’ll even start writing again soon, although I have … More Love Generation

A Year Has Passed…

The excitement and anticipation of climbing onto an aeroplane for a weekend of new experiences with an old friend has its own unique thrill. Here, in the space between leaving and arriving, I find a moment of calm in which to begin to piece together the past few weeks. The anniversary of my mother’s death … More A Year Has Passed…

Musical Introspection

I was sitting alone in a café in Amsterdam when I first really noticed the lyrics to Simon & Garfunkel’s ‘Flowers Never Bend with the Rainfall’. The lines that initially struck me were ‘So I’ll continue to continue to pretend My life will never end’ I know that a year before these words would not have … More Musical Introspection

A Letter

Hi mom, I haven’t written to you since you died, and it suddenly seemed like an important thing to do. I spend time with you in dreams, I think and talk about you all the time, but I don’t talk to you anymore. I don’t have any idea what I want to say, I just … More A Letter

Five Months

Yet another milestone today, on Halloween when the kids are excited about pumpkins and trick-or-treating, and my reflections on death are far more mournful. Five months, and a whole summer has passed since my mother’s death. Five months that seem the blink of an eye, time still frozen, yet containing enough sorrow and loss for … More Five Months