5 Years Gone

How did I mark the 5th anniversary of my mother’s death? With tears, of course. And music, as I naturally do. With memories, and smiles, and more tears. With an amazingly productive day of Strategic Planning at the organisation where she once worked, and where she brought as much passion as I now bring, in her own … More 5 Years Gone

Shattered

Broken shards of glass spread across the kitchen floor – jagged edges glistening, and tiny slivers hiding in shadows, evading my later attempts to make the tiles safe once more for tender feet (how quickly we imbue our human qualities of spite and craftiness into objects inanimate). The sound crashes into my consciousness before I … More Shattered

Echoes

Sitting at the kitchen table working on my laptop after the children’s bedtime routines had been completed and the dinner plates cleared away, I put music on to play as I always do in the evenings, whether to help me concentrate on the task at hand, or provide a soothing backdrop to more relaxing pursuits. … More Echoes

Insomniac Ramblings

The past twelve days are like a mist to me. I am emerging, but swirls clutch my ankle still, and I can neither penetrate the fog behind nor the darkness ahead. Five days and four nights in a sterile, cold hospital surrounded by very old women, rushing doctors and bullying nurses. In between a CT … More Insomniac Ramblings

A Letter

Hi mom, I haven’t written to you since you died, and it suddenly seemed like an important thing to do. I spend time with you in dreams, I think and talk about you all the time, but I don’t talk to you anymore. I don’t have any idea what I want to say, I just … More A Letter

Expressing Pain

My post on Halloween prompted the following response from a fellow blogger, WritingMS: “Why are we humans so compelled to claim the goodness of our lives, in order to try and justify our expression of sorrow or pain? I think it must be our western culture and our adherence to the ‘stiff upper lip” approach. … More Expressing Pain

Five Months

Yet another milestone today, on Halloween when the kids are excited about pumpkins and trick-or-treating, and my reflections on death are far more mournful. Five months, and a whole summer has passed since my mother’s death. Five months that seem the blink of an eye, time still frozen, yet containing enough sorrow and loss for … More Five Months